with your own penis?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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