well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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