Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
