I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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