i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
