we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Mom said you looked used
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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