i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
