On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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