Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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