Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
