Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
