I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
