We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
