I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
