in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
