no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
