he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
