ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
