i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
