You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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