im drinking this country out of the recession.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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