Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
