he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
