so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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