remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
two words...techno handjob
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
