You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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