I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
