I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
