I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
