if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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