he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
