when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
