i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
