i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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