Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
