AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
