the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
