Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
