Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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