so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
