plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
