You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the day after is always just damage control
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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