how do flat chested girls get laid?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
