i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
