Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think your dad took our porno
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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