He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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