where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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