We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
