hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
this hospital has no fireball
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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