actually, I'm a sock model
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
