This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
